My Own Sickle

i hold my own sickle
i wear my own black robe
privately wanting to end me
you couldn't tell by looking
but my tears have been falling
i cant smile for any length of time
i cant feel any love in my spine
i cant believe i'll ever be fine
i want to take a life
i'll take my own
to see the end, flesh rot off bone
when you see me
in my moment of peace
let me sit
leave me be
while that part of me looks deceased
the rest of me is free

Flicker

outlook suffers when compared to blackened reality
that has earned its place in the folds of the subconscious
it was hollowed out by you
i continue to fill it
once drained the first time
the value will continue to diminish
and the chance to make it whole again
is all lost in the effort
now i begin to dwindle
as i keep getting sicker
the light from my candle
is beginning to flicker
lost the light
lost my way
shadow on the wall melts into me
now it is dark during the day
the sun still shines but i cant see
outlook suffers when compared to blackened reality
that has earned its place in the folds of the subconscious

Argus

i stare off in a thousand different directions
impractical i should find one truth
theoretically limited vision constricted
a thousand eyes Argus
that can't see anything
ideals shooed away by the thoughts rushing through
each passing second longer than the previous
a state not Utopian
an opinion trudging beside me
can't put the net on the prey
can't take my eyes off the blank stare
can't watch myself sit much longer
these words circumscribed
i begin to cramp in mind and hand
as my vision dissipates to a single gaze
at the lights reflection of my shadow
i come back to myself looking repentant
i cry for the eyes to come back
the blackness was a blanket of warmth
covering my true eyes like a mask
fucking eyes let me hide
fucking truth stay concealed
"leave me alone" i quote as an appeal
i was denied rejected
as the truth came rushing in(jected)
and like i said just as i expected
the truth as fake as a mask
lies given as beliefs to the questions asked
not caught surprised but knocked off track
of course to take another step back
opened my thousand eyes and could not see
closed two and the truth became me